Establishing A Fit Lifestyle When Life Makes It Impossible

As a single mom, I know how easy it is to feel a victim of your circumstances. There was a time we lived 1,000 miles from anyone we knew, so childcare or support were nonexistent. The odds are, with four kids, just because they sleep through the night doesn’t mean I will. Someone will have a tooth fall out that they almost swallow, or wake up to a lizard falling on them, or someone will have a nightmare, or asthma struggles. Sometimes you can be doing everything in your power to set your night up for success, and it is like the universe is out to make it harder just to see what happens. Eventually, not because my life was finally easy, but after years of finagling and adapting, I was able to compete at the national level as a figure division bodybuilder.

I tried so many things. I tried waking up at 3 AM. I tried working out at 10 PM. I tried working out during the lunch rush. I tried breaking up my workouts into smaller parts. I tried working out at home. Everywhere I felt like I was failing, not getting in what I wanted, feeling disjointed at work, and then not feeling fully connected when my kids were home.

I repeated to myself, I am in control. I’m not a victim of my circumstances. Against all odds. Against all odds. Against all odds. The mantra was not a magic spell, but it helped my brain create focus and stimulate a fire in me to solve this problem. I wanted to feel strong. I wanted to look in the mirror and see an athlete again. I would try one method for a few weeks, another for a month, another for a few days. Seemingly zero progress in body composition (probably due to stress) and nanoscopic headway on establishing a semblance of a routine, but I was not giving up, however long it took. Months and months went by till I found something manageable. When I look back on that process, I realize the small iterative changes that were happening along the way. I was weighing my breakfast every day. Then, at some point, I had memorized my meal plan and was eating on the clock even if I had off-site meetings or school events. At some point, I wasn’t even thinking about if I wanted to train or not, I was just putting my shoes on and out the door.

People Don’t Actually Make Excuses

I don’t believe people make excuses. I believe people give reasons that justify where their goal post is (which may be different than what they say it is). I’ve heard people say, “You only live once,” or “I’ve earned it,” justifying the pleasure of consumption, whether it was a loaded baked potato or a truffle cheesecake. This momentary enjoyment trumped longevity, medical bills, and the influence on the friends at the table who, in turn, also abandoned their health intentions. While I am not against enjoying food or straying from “perfection”, it is easy to slip into this a little bit here and a little bit there, until you are doing it every week or even every day. Those things add up, and they are most likely not in line with our health goals.

Honest Vision

Ultimately, this is not about figuring out how to get fit; It’s evaluating what you really want and how badly you want it. When you know what you want and why, it is easier to hold onto in those moments that feel impossible. Then let go of it if it doesn’t fit. (Note: Going to the gym may not fit your goals, so then don’t beat yourself up if you CHOOSE that path). Clear visibility of your goal(s) helps you in the daily choose-your-own-adventure; when you encounter a situation, you will know what to choose based on your overall picture — situations like: should I get more sleep or go to the gym? I don’t have time to cook, takeout is faster. 

Once you know what your true overall vision is for yourself, everything is solvable. It may not come smoothly, it may not come swiftly, but there is a solution (albeit a potential workaround) for everything. My girlfriend and I did a test from our separate houses. She went in-person to order takeout while I cooked. From the time she ordered (and I began cooking) till the time she had the plastic bag of foam boxes in hand, I had plated dinner for my family. Once you get a groove, even scratch recipes can come together in 20 minutes (and I don’t mean mac & cheese). The encouragement is that there is a solution to be found, but let me be loud and clear: GIVE YOURSELF THE GRACE TO FIGURE IT OUT OVER TIME. It will not be immediate. You are not failing. It WILL take time. Everyone’s life is different. But…remind yourself that you are not a victim, you are clever. You can have what you want. It will come. Just keep at it. You may even be halfway there without even knowing it.